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Stripped

Tales of the naked city, from a Las Vegas dancer.

01.1.09 · 11:13 PM

On a roll in Jamaica, learning to make paper burritos

I’ve seen and done many things that many people wouldn’t dream of doing. Though it occurred to me, minutes before the clock struck 12 on New Year’s Eve in Jamaica, that I have never rolled a joint before. I still haven’t. While vacationers were enjoying champagne and ice sculptures at a resort’s New Year’s Eve party several feet behind me, I sat on a plastic lounge chair on the beach with my toes in the grainy Jamaican sand next to ... Read more...

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12.31.08 · 9:52 AM

I will miss New Year’s Eve, but I won’t miss the chafed butt

I wish I was going to work this New Year’s Eve, but I am out of town. New Year’s Eve is not only a great chance to wear a goofy, sparkly hat and drink enough champagne to sink a ship, it is easily the most profitable holiday of the year. Last year during the countdown I was onstage. I was topless and holding on to a pole with one hand and counting down “Five! Four! Three! Two! One!” with the ... Read more...

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12.30.08 · 8:21 AM

I am not really an armadillo breeder — I am a stripper

We the strippers of Las Vegas have been menaced with the same dreaded question, time and time again, wherever we go. I speak of the question that invokes an awkward, rehearsed answer, at least from me. In general, the answer is a lie. I wish I could tell the inquirer of the question that the answer is not his business but I’m not so bold or rude. I hate answering honestly and I especially dislike the associated reaction. The invasive, ... Read more...

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12.28.08 · 10:58 AM

Another nakedly uneventful Christmas

I’d say Christmas Day is one of the more interesting times to strip. I would estimate that between 80 and 90 percent of strippers have children and most people with children stay home with their children on Christmas Day. This was the case with most strippers so our entire work force was nearly wiped out. Single stripping mothers spent the day with their beautiful crowd of illegitimate children unwrapping mountains of brand new toys. (Or maybe just mole hills this ... Read more...

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12.26.08 · 7:36 AM

Peep show a study in studious entertainers

Grapes grown in harsh conditions develop a thicker skin. When they’re raised under stress, they produce a more complex wine. That is what I was told on a wine tour in Napa Valley this weekend, anyway. I thought the idea was interesting. Organisms that are forced to endure hard times grow thicker skins and become more interesting. Grapes that are grown just to be eaten, in contrast, are raised in fertile soil in warm weather and grow sweet, fat and ... Read more...

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12.23.08 · 5:59 AM

Recession byproduct: Strippers aren’t picking up poop with dollar bills

Of course the recession has hit strippers hard. It hit us really hard, harder than our loser boyfriends hit us. With a drop in discretionary income for the average male and the widespread panic about the recession, there are fewer men and fewer dollars congregating at strip clubs. That isn’t really news. Everyone knows that entertainment is the first thing to get cut from the family budget. I hadn’t been especially worried. I had figured there would be some reduction ... Read more...

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12.19.08 · 9:33 AM

Snowman isn’t actually a “man,” as it turns out

There was a bizarre and beautiful snowstorm this week, as most Las Vegans witnessed. I was in bed most of the day and kept getting calls about the snow, but I never bothered to look outside until late that night. I figured there were a few flakes sticking to the plants so I wasn’t in any rush to get out of a warm bed. In the winter I even blog from bed. Yes, I’m writing this very blog from under ... Read more...

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12.17.08 · 9:23 PM

An open letter from Justice to “Customer”

Dear customer, On a filthy stage I crawl around on all fours like a dog in a thong, begging for treats. I’ll even do a trick. Maybe I’ll do a trick. If the treat is good, I might give you a better look at my nipples, or I might slap my own ass cheek or something. I’ll squeeze my breasts together for your entertainment. You can stick a buck between my tits. It’ll be great. Go ahead. I’ll even thank ... Read more...

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12.16.08 · 8:18 AM

Of drinking at work, this stripper says, “I’m done”

I quit drinking at work. Nothing significantly bad happened that made me decide to quit. There were no arrests this time. I didn’t get fired. In the past there had been many, many signifcantly bad incidents associated with drinking that didn’t make me stop drinking. There was the incident with the dumpster, among other things. “I can do what I want,” I assured myself. On the contrary, however, I became so comfortable and dependent on being drunk at work that ... Read more...

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12.11.08 · 1:20 PM

Thanks to cowboys, we now know how soft a stripper’s hair really is

The cowboys are here, and I feel like they infiltrate every aspect of my life when they come to Vegas. It was not so much the case this year as last year, but it feels like they are everywhere when they are here. They’re in the streets, in my head and taking all the parking spaces. Allow me to explain. This is not my first rodeo as a stripper. Last year happened to be. The rodeo is hosted at Thomas ... Read more...

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Cocktail of the Week

Cocktail of the Week Dec 31, 2008
by Xania Woodman

The Bearded Clam

A verrry distant cousin of the Mojito, the Caipirinha and the Batida is the Bearded Clam, created by Frankie's Tiki Room by bartender Alice Hartling. In a pint glass, muddle ...
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